I quit my book twice

For the last 3 years, I’ve been writing the bravest book I’ve ever written. It was so brave (read: scary) that I quit twice. Even though this is my fourth book, and I’ve been down this road before, that didn’t stop fear from tapping on my shoulder and saying, “Are you sure you know what you’re doing?”

Fear, in fact, had plenty to say:

You’re not a good enough writer to do memoir justice.

All of this is sh*t.

This is way too personal.

You can’t say that.

What are people going to think?

(So encouraging!)

Throughout my book writing process, fear came and went, but one thing remained unchanged:

The book and I kept circling each other. Every time I stepped away, it called me back. Every time I thought I was not ready, a revelation took me deeper.

This is important, my inner truth said. This is the story you ache to tell. Write it down. Edit later. Let it be messy. Let yourself be seen. Stop trying to be a great writer and just WRITE.

So that's what I did. I showed up at the page—day after day after day.

Even when I thought the writing wasn’t good enough.

Even when I didn’t feel like writing.

Even when a million other things called for my attention.

I showed up, I wrote what I had in me that day, and I stopped judging whether or not it was “good enough.”

Eventually, the dots started connecting. I had moments of “ooh” and “ahh.” I started threading stories together in unexpected ways. Mediocre drafts became pieces I felt proud of and moved by. I cried with joy and reverence for what I was uncovering, and how the story was taking form.  

Ultimately I realized that the writing didn't need to be good, it just need to be true.

So now instead of asking myself, "is this good enough?", I ask instead, "is this the most honest and true thing I can say?"

It's made a world of a difference.

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